Me vs. the proform elliptical machine.

Back in August 2008, before I went to Iraq, I bought a proform elliptical machine so my wife could exercise while I was gone (it was her idea, so don't think I was forcing her to exercise.). So, the machine arrived and I assembled it in our bedroom. There wasn't much room for it, but we got it to fit.

Well it's now June, I've since returned and now they are moving us to a new house. On saturday, 27 June, they had an open house on one of the new houses. Upon checking the house we realized the only place there'd be room for the elliptical was the garage. We didnt feel like working out in the garage so Bekki put up a post on Craigslist. We received a response and that's when the fun started.

So there I was, standing in my bedroom, looking at the furniture I would have to move in order to get the elliptical out. Needless to say it looked like every single thing in my room was in the way of removing the elliptical (nickname: Satan Machine). I clear the room and pull on the Satan machine. I had forgotten the thing weighed 300lbs, I also forgot that I put it together in the room and it is much bigger assembled than when it's apart. We tried pulling and pushing and twisting and turning but the Satan machine would not make the turn from the bedroom into the hallway. I took off the handles, thinking "hey I'm smart, this should help." Well yeah, apparently I'm not as smart as I think I am and it really made no difference. I lift the thing up on one end and try moving it out that way. Once again, I was outsmarted by a piece of exercise equipment. Eventually I realized if I remove one of the bottom thingamabobs (I'm very technical) it might clear the doorway. Yay! it worked and it's now in my living room. Well having five boys and three of them under five years of age, they like to touch everything. We tried keeping them away but it was an exercise in futility (this happens a lot around here.). Into the car we loaded and went on a road trip in a giant circle until it was time to meet the guy.

The guy shows up and I see that he's driving a Subaru Baja. The Satan machine is six feet long and I told the guy it was huge and might not fit. He said it would fit, so we drag the 300lb machine out the house, down the walkway and up the sidewalk to his car. With the help of a neighbor, we lifted it into the Subaru. It sat precariously on the end of his truck. I watched as he used about 10,000 cargo straps to make the thing stay in his vehicle. I hope he made it home ok. I was just glad that the Satan machine is gone and that will be the last BAEE (Big Ass Exercise Equipment) I put into my house.

Lessons I learned, exercise equipment is heavy. Exercise equipment is smarter than me. I will never have a career as a mover. Also I now have a lot more space in my bedroom, so that's a plus. Oh and I used some of the money I received for the Satan machine to have Chick-Fil-A for dinner, so that was super plus plus.